Just back from a vacation in which we saw family for the first time in over 8 years, I often find that time passes too quickly , sometimes I want to capture moments in time and linger forever.
Which brings me to the essence of this blog and its title. The Treasured Child. When looking back at the moments and people who have made an impact one me, one very small but powerful comes to mind.
In the winter of 2010 my husband and I saved money to take our then 12 year old son to New York City.
He was just really getting serious about his music and was an aspiring performer, an avid Beatles fan he wanted to play his guitar near the memorial to John Lennon. This is in Central Park near the entrance to The Dakota building where John lived and was murdered, sounds slightly morbid but we had to do it.
Being New York , with its crowds, constant traffic and horns bleeping I was in full on protective mom mode. I was doing the full on outstretched arm mom stop at every pedestrian crossing, even to my husband, scrutinizing every person that went within an inch or two of my son , so on and so forth.
Well, KK my son was not having any of this, of course not he was 12 for gods sake !
At every opportunity he would drop my hand if I was holding his, walk at least 5 paces ahead of me, run into stores to see shiny toys and linger in music shops to play vintage guitars. Too cool to be seen with his old mum, who was frantic to keep him safe in the big city. Needless to say my heart was sad, he's my only baby ! I had envisioned us strolling together the three of us through Central Park, hand in hand, all smiles and warm coats. Walking into a sections of the park we came across a young man , about 25 years old. He was tall, lanky and tattooed. He was holding up a sign that read " Bad Advice $1.00" We started to pass him by but his smile was so sad, as if he knew we wouldn't stop. KK was hurdling forward to get to the John Lennon memorial. I stopped and called my family back. I approached the young man and said, " I need some advice " and gave him a dollar. My son was mortified, my husband amused.
"What kind of advice ?" he asked. So I told him. "How do I give my son the freedom he wants, when all I want to do is protect him every minute of every day ? " How can I let him go , even when he's older"
The young man replied, " Hold on to him close, even if you are not with him physically" " Just treasure him" , he then went on to explain how his own mother had a series of boyfriends when he was growing up and really did not have room for him in her life. He said that watching families in the park has made him see the gift that is being a parent. I agreed with him 100 percent and gave him $5.00 because it was actually really great advice. Treasure him. That's it. Treasure his independence, treasure his changing body and voice, even treasure the smelly socks and gym bags. This is why I call this blog The Treasured Child. I have always treasured my children, but I know that its not easy sometimes. I am using the blog to pass on the gifts and lessons I have received from my many wonderful interactions as a therapist, mom, and friend. Not all of them pretty, but always treasured.
